I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
