He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
