I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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