you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
