Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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