You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
