you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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