those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
