I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
