Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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