sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
