I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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