I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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