Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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