My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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