I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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