Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My dick has a subreddit
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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