i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
