Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
