only if we run a train.
done.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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