Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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