yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
