I got chris browned last night
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
