I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
