ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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