There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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