sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
