wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
