roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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