Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
