it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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