what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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