"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize