Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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