The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
