I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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