Can Purell be used as lube?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
