oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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