summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The struggles of a small town man whore
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
