We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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