I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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