My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
