I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
