Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
