I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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