3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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