p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
