So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
