Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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