I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Randomize
