apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
