I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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