my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
