okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
