We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize