I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
