Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
