three words: i give head
three words: not that well
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
