Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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