I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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