chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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