Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
