Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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