she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Bring me that man meat
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
