i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
