Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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