Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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