I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She said her name was "party"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
