Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
