my soul wont recognize me after tonight
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
