I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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