Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize