So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
two words: eviction party
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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