My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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