Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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