Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
