wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
