I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
where does the pee come out of this thing
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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