people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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